Bittersweet I.

A letter to my King, my Saviour, my Best Friend (Part I)…

2011 has come to an end. It’s bittersweet. If I may be so frank, I’m afraid of what 2012 holds, Lord, not because the world might end then (haha), but because it’s going to be different, and in a way exciting. I’m just, really not sure.

2011 has been awesome in its own ways. Yes, there have been ups and downs, but the ups far outweigh the downs, and I can say You’ve blessed me richly this year, so so richly. I know that all good things come from You, and even trials and tough times are allowed by You to build my character and faith.

Perhaps it’s just the fear of leaving something comfortable and enjoyable that is 2011, in place of the relative unknown that is 2012. Perhaps it’s the fear of inadequacy. Perhaps it’s the fear of growing old.

I’ve been blessed to have awesome friends to have walked through various parts of my year with – Ps. Joey, Jon, Joel and Johann, David G., the brotherhood, Sam, Chloe, Melt, Amanda, the list goes on. I thank You for providing each of these friends, who are unique, and who sharpen me in so many different aspects; I thank You for allowing me to sharpen some of these individuals too.

I’ve been blessed to have like-minded ministry partners in CAMY, especially the commitment of certain individuals, even non-exco members, who certainly have the best interests ministry at heart. It warms my heart so much to see these individuals so full of passion for a greater worship culture in R-AGE, and a compassion for the young people we serve. I am especially thankful for individuals who, in the past, have perhaps not taken their responsibilities in CAMY seriously, but are now stepping up their game and giving You their best. I thank You for every single one of these individuals and I pray their fire will not die out.

I’ve been blessed to have such an amazing bunch of people to do life and do work alongside me in the Shepherds at GII. Each one is unique, and all are passionate about seeing R-AGE grow to reach new heights. It’s been a first year, but it’s been an awesome first year. I thank You for the work you have done this year, and I am excited because I know the work You will do next year will be even greater. May each of us be obedient to being a part of Your plan for R-AGE.

I’m blessed by the many new people I’ve met and have come to grow fond of. It’s been said that you can’t do ministry without loving the people you’re serving, and this year has certainly helped me to learn to love the people I’m serving. It warms my heart so much to see the younger ones like Yu Zhe, Darren, Joel Lim, Andre, Cassia et al, all come up to me during various times at BareBones to ask if I’m still sick and whether I’m getting better. These young guys are all such a blessing!

Taking a step back and looking at the big picture, You have certainly worked behind the scenes to help me to love the young people I’m serving, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I love R-AGE, I bleed R-AGE, and I wouldn’t want anything else but the best for R-AGE – Your best.

To be contined…

The SM Fast

On Saturday, my youth pastor, Bro. Joey, spoke about the spiritual discipline of silence and solitude, and how the many noises present in today’s society are crowding God’s voice out. He spoke of the need to “come away to a solitary place”, as Jesus did often, during the course of His ministry.

One evident source of “noise” is that from social media – Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr. These take up our time, unnecessarily perhaps. Sometimes, we even allow our interactions on these mediums to define who we are, or how we feel.

In light of this, BroJo proposed a challenge to all of R-AGE to abstain from social media for a minimum of 72 hours. No posts, no updates, no check ins, and no notifications, so you won’t be tempted and want in on the action.

Here’s my recount of the last 72 hours of fasting all social media; The time logs show how much time is left in the fast. Enjoy, and may it inspire you to do likewise.

72 hours
It’s begun. Last IG post was a screenshot of my 72 hour (3 day) timer. Last post on twitter and fb was “Fasting all social media for 72 hours. No twitter, FB, IG, 4sq. See y’all on the other side. Kthxbai.”

66 Hours
Woke up to almost no notifications. What peace and serenity. Had some buggy 4sq notifications coming through but that’s been fixed.

63 Hours
Nine hours have passed. I strangely don’t feel the need to tap ‘Twitter’ or ’4sq’. Facebook has been a bit more challenging, especially when I open my web browser, but so far so good.

I did get a brief urge to check in at clementi MRT, almost out of instinct; my hand twitched as if to reach for my phone, but then I remembered. It’s actually not as painful as it sounds at first. I’m enjoying the peace.

Somewhere on the train ride to GI, someone is reading her notifications on FB. I feel secretly happy that I don’t have to contend with catching up on the happenings on fb; the quiet is pleasant.

62 Hours
Joey got 4sq -.- He checked in at Grace assembly. Looks like Joel Lee’s gonna lose his mayorship. Hehe.

54 Hours
Just got home from a SM-less day. It wasn’t as painful as I had initially thought (I keep saying this).

Less time spent checking in and instagraming means more time spent with people. Love people, use things (and social media), not love things and use people.

If there was one tinge of regret, it would be the inability to get in touch with a friend who’s abroad, who had another night out at the Internet cafe. Sorry!!

41 Hours
It’s a new day! Woke up to 5 notifications, all email or SMS only! Not really feeling any withdrawal symptoms, since I haven’t been receiving notifications (aside from the one from twitter that slipped through), so I don’t really feel the need to be in on the action.

I don’t know if it’s just psychological, but I had a better rest last night! I think I must’ve done two sleep cycles – 10pm to 3am, 3am to 9am. No 4sq or twitter notifications to wake up to. Just plain old SMS, whatsapp, and email (can’t disable this during this period cos of lots of work matters).

For all those who are reading this and still contemplating whether or not to do this fast, you won’t regret doing it. You’ll realise what is truly necessary, and what is really noise; twitter, Facebook, 4sq, IG, tumblr – these are all tools to connect and network, not things we are enslaved to. This fast should do for you what it did for me at the very least – change the balance of power so you become a master over social media.

40 Hours
Less noise means more clarity when listening out for God. He just revealed a new analogy for QT – just like breakfast is important to your physical body in starting the day right, so is QT for the spirit man. Pretty cool huh. Don’t think my mind would’ve been so sharp, had I been thinking of what so-and-so tweeted last night. You get the drift.

34 Hours
A day out to the mall, trying to find things for a special service in December, and the Phonesuit Elite without actually using SM. I don’t think it would have been of much assistance anyway. The only disadvantage was being unable to publicise the on-going offer that I benefitted from, when I got for the Phonesuit, on Facebook/Twitter for anyone interested, but I guess that can wait till after my fast.

32 Hours
Back home after some errands and a haircut. Trying to organise a small event now without SM. It’s a little bit tough but not unmanageable. The wonders of iMessage and whatsapp!

19 Hours
Into my third day now, and it really doesn’t feel bad in any real way. I would extend the fast except for the fact that there’s lots to do and SM does make it easier to do some of these things. Just have to always remember that it’s not a master of me; I am a master over it.

3 Hours
Almost at the end now. I went for a night run and realised how nice it is not to have Facebook or twitter notifications to have to deal with after the run. At the end of the run during cooldown, I even had a little time for prayer below my block.

It was a timely reminder from God that loving others comes from the love from Him, not because you want others to love you in return; when this is applied to love, it takes on a new meaning.

.5 Hours
I’m going to sleep before the actual time to break fast. Three days of quiet. Three days of increased sensitivity.

May I always remember what is necessary and what is nice to have, and may I remember that SM is merely a tool to communicate better, and reach larger audiences. It is not something that should get the better of me, nor is it something that should determine who I am, how I feel, or what I should do.

+4 Hours
The fast is over! I, for one, won’t be restoring certain notifications. No, I quite like the quiet. Haha. Congrats if you’ve followed me this far on my journey, and I hope this recount inspires you to do likewise.

In the midst of all the noise and hustle bustle we have in this world, sometimes the best we can do (aside from a holiday) is to abstain from the very things that cause the noise; you will then hear God more clearly.

John’s Encounter

I was doing my QT today from Revelation 1:9-18.

The verses that jumped out at me were from Revelation 1:13-16, and you’ll understand why when you read on, but for now, these are the verses, from the NLT:

And standing in the middle of the lampstands was someone like the Son of Man. He was wearing a long robe with a gold sash across his chest. His head and his hair were white like wool, as white as snow. And his eyes were like flames of fire. His feet were like polished bronze refined in a furnace, and his voice thundered like mighty ocean waves. He held seven stars in his right hand, and a sharp two- edged sword came from his mouth. And his face was like the sun in all its brilliance.

For me, there is no real key verse today because everything was just so so overwhelming. From the first time I read through this passage, in the NLT form, I could feel such an overwhelming presence of God upon me. I then read the NASB version, and after that read the devotional material.

It was then that the waves of God’s presence – His beautiful, holy presence – just came washing and crashing over me. The description of Jesus’ voice in the scripture “like the sound of many waters” just doesn’t quite get across until you realize the magnitude of that sound. It’s like being surrounded by a giant waterfall; the roaring, deafening sound was what John paralleled Jesus’ voice to. And the rest of that description – His face shone like the Sun, His eyes were like a blazing fire, feet like polished bronze. Wow.

We worship a great and awesome God, and we have the privilege, daily, hourly, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, of coming into His awesome presence. Sometimes, we take it for granted. Yes, we can’t see Him, but does that make Him any less of a great and awesome God? It shouldn’t and I hope it doesn’t for you. It takes faith!

Truly, all things fade away in His presence. May I never take this privilege for granted, and may I always hunger for His presence!

God Is My Friend?

Isaiah 40:26-27  (NLT)
Look up into the heavens.
Who created all the stars?
He brings them out like an army, one after another,
calling each by its name.
Because of his great power and incomparable strength,
not a single one is missing.
O Jacob, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles?
O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights?

Many will find this series of verses familiar-sounding, because they precede the more famous Isaiah 40:29-31 passage.

I gleaned something different, from a slightly earlier series of verses, above. It shows such a stark contrast, that the God of the universe, the Creation of all creation, is also my friend. It blows my mind in two ways:

1. If God can create the universe and all that is within it, how can He possibly not know of your troubles?
2. If God can create the universe and all that is within it, and still love you like you were the only one to love, isn’t that mind-blowing too?

Wow…just wow. The next time I’m in a spot, I feel down or in despair, I can take comfort in the fact that He who is Lord over all cares for me, and He does it as if I was the only person to care for. There is no reason why He would not, none at all.

Embers.

Indulge me, as I take an intermission from 40DOC reflections to write about something I believe God has been piecing together over the past month – an incubated, slow cooked revelation about what revival can and should be..

When you think of fire, what image comes to mind?

Last Sunday night, I attended a BBQ and had the privilege of starting and tending to the fire, and of course, cooking.

Most of us know that at a BBQ, the food is not cooked as much by the direct flames, as it is by the intense heat of the coals. What defines a successful BBQ set up is getting a really strong heat from the coals that lingers for a long time, long after the actual tongues of flame die down.

The fire is started by external means, with a lighter and firestarter, but eventually, once the coals catch and start burning, they become self-sustaining (of course, with sufficient oxygen and charcoal). There is no need to constantly add newly-lit fire starters to keep the fire running. Good coal keeps burning until its life is done.

We can draw a number of lessons from this. Abstract, you may ask? Maybe not as much as you think.

A. External influences kickstart something.
Sometimes, we’re stuck where we are, either because we’re limited by circumstances, abilities, or our own mindset. We need something to kick us out of that stable state (like the charcoal). We need a firestarter.

Some of the most natural fire starters for most R-AGErs are Grace Retreat and Rhema Conference, and it’s not a bad thing! These turn us in the right direction, or affirm us that we are already heading in the right direction; it’s important to be selective of what kickstarts our fire. The type of external influence can heavily sway the direction we start moving in – a wrong influence can lead to idolatry.

B. Our fire must carry on after the kickstart.
How many times have you walked away from a retreat or a Rhema Conference recharged and revitalized, ready to take on the world for Christ, and one month later, it’s back to the status quo?

Just like a BBQ fire does not constantly rely on fire starters to maintain its heat and sustain the fire, so we can learn that we need to sustain that fire. Ah, this is where you ask, “HOW!?!?”

You will see these two words a lot in the next few sentences, and these really are the key to sustaining the fire – constancy and consistency.

i) We need to rely on constant and consistent input from the Word.
The Word is living and active; it is able to speak into our lives individually with great accuracy. Its constant input allows us to always be ministered to and guided by it.

Just as the fire is stifled by a lack of oxygen, so will our spiritual walks if the Word is not a constant source of strength and sustenance. We need the Word to keep the fire burning.

The Word is our oxygen.

ii) We need to pray constantly and consistently.
Intimacy in relationships is achieved through effective communication. Prayer is really just that – communicating with God, talking to Him. Too often, prayer becomes a very mystical thing, but it’s really no mystery – it’s simply talking to God.

We don’t have to come to Him with eloquent phrases and flowery words. It’s really just having a conversation with a good friend – you can tell Him anything! He’s always ready to listen to you.

Oh, and don’t forget, He replies too! Don’t just tell Him what’s on your heart and then shut off. Expect Him to speak to you, to answer you.

Prayer is conversation.

iii) We need to support and be supported by other believers constantly and consistently.
This mutual support – it’s community. It’s very much in line with what we’ve been learning and will learn during this 40 DOC. We are better together, and being in a community allows us to ask for support when we need it, and give support when others need it too.

Being in a community allows us to excite each other about the first two areas – prayer and the Word. We are able to spur each other on when the going gets tough. Think of someone, just one person, you can be an encourager to, to spur them on in their Bible study, or their prayer time.

Is there someone you’re able to say this to: “I will not leave you behind. Let’s run this race together!”

Have you ever seen a BBQ pit with only one piece of charcoal? Probably not. The pit is always packed tightly with charcoal, for one purpose – to burn and create heat to cook food.

Similarly, we are to be together as one for one purpose – God’s glory.

—–

Word, prayer, community. These three key areas are what can keep the embers sustaining, even after the fire starter has long ago died off. These areas are interdependent – I believe it’s by God’s design that all of them can come hand in hand.

As we are almost at the midpoint of 40 DOC, let’s remember that there is a greater reason for unity than just for unity’s sake – we’re all here to run this race, to burn out brightly, and we run it better together.

Day 5: Apart or A Part?

It comes as no surprise that the next logical step, after learning all that love is about, is that we need to of course practically love people. What better place to start than where we already are – the church?

After all, we’re supposed to be like-minded aren’t we? We all profess to believe in the same God, and believe that He saved us from sin. We all profess that we love Him, don’t we?

See, that’s where the true test of love lies.

We already know that the greatest commands are these: to love God with all our being, and to love our neighbours. This has been repeated so many times, but I believe it bears enough significance to be repeated: God is intangible. We can’t see Him, touch Him, but if we really say we love Him, then we ought to start by loving who we can see – our neighbours, those immediately around us.

If we cannot even love our brother (or sister), who we can see and touch, how can we say we love God?

I like what Rick Warren writes when he says that a church is not a place that we go to; rather, it is a family. It’s something we belong to – we are a part, not apart.

I also like that he gives very real and insightful point about how we’d do things for family members that we don’t for people outside of it; we forgive and give second chances to family members where we otherwise wouldn’t.

In an earthly family, fortunately or otherwise, our family members remain the same; we can’t switch them out for someone else. Like it or not, we are stuck with them. We learn to live with, love and accept them for who they are, because they are here to stay. They learn to accept and love us for who we are, because we are also here to stay.

Today, as we learn that to love is to be part of a bigger picture – a family, are we making that intentional effort to treat those around us the way we’d want to be treated in a family? Do we overlook the imperfections, do we give second chances?

Do we realise that we are a part of something bigger, and do we make the effort to make fellow believers feel that they are a part too? Can we say that we make the people in our cells, in R-AGE, feel like they’re here to stay? We’re here to stay, people, so let’s start learning to love those who we’re in this together with.

Love means that we are family (:

Day 3: Don’t Wait.

Revisiting day 3′s devo on a day like this really hit home the point that I initially got last week in Jakarta:

Don’t wait.

The foundations of what love is really about, have been reinforced the past few days in the Better Together book, and they are simple:

We love because God first loved us
We love because it’s a command

From these past two foundations, we learn that love is really not a mushy, warm, fuzzy feeling; it’s proactive – it’s a verb. Love is taking conscious steps to meet the needs of those around us, even setting aside our own needs. It’s a sense of kingdom-mindedness, setting aside our needs for the benefit of someone else.

Love is Christ-sightedness; we need to look past the exterior and really see people the way God does – their needs, their value and worth. When we say we love our neighbour the way God does, do we really? Our neighbour, as perfect or imperfect as he may be, is a creation of God, and made in His image. Are we able to see past the imperfection and love for who God sees him to be?

Tough challenge, but a challenge nonetheless. Love is like a muscle – it grows when stretched.

Have you ever wanted to show someone that you love them, only to find the moment fleeting? Wanted to show a loved one how much you cared, but they passed on? Don’t wait. Don’t hesitate. The moment is now. Will you choose to love?

—

Today I met up with a friend, whom I have not had the chance of catching up with in the longest time. When I initially did this devo last week in Jakarta, it really struck me how far we grew apart, and how much we needed to find out what was happening in each others’ lives again.

What made it even more apt was how this friend ever said before that we should never lose a moment in telling someone you care, because you’ll never know when you may lose that person. So, when I got back, I resolved to try and catch up with this friend of mine, half expecting not to be able to do so, due to both our schedules being so busy, and usually just not being able to meet up for one reason or another.

But by God’s grace, we did manage to meet up. A window opened up today and I took off and we went for lunch. I really really enjoyed the experience.

I know you’ll eventually read this, and I hope that out of all the things discussed over the lunch table, something in there will reach out and be edifying and build you up. Remember that bad experiences are always there in life to stumble us; it’s how we respond to them and place our confidence in Christ that will bring us through. I may not be able to love you with the perfection that God has, but I love you still, and what’s more important, God loves you the most (:

Day 2: Love & Obedience.

Foreword: I had actually started the 40 DOC book last week, but in keeping with the official starting of the campaign, I decided to revisit day 2′s lesson. True enough, what God led me to do, He rewarded with fresh insight.

My initial takeaways for day 2′s lesson for 40 DOC were that Christ’s love changes the definition of love – it no longer is about nice thoughts or gushy feelings – He pushes the definition of love to a higher level, where beliefs and behaviour combine into Godly action. His love is selfless, sacrificial and submitted to the Father’s will.

Prior to me sitting down to revisit the lesson, I had been praying in relation to what I wrote yesterday. I was praying for a spirit of unity, that R-AGE would be united in hungering for Him. It wouldn’t just be about hungry individuals; I was praying for a collective movement of hunger, that we would seek Him as one body!

After that, I plopped down on my bed, flipped open the book and looked at what my initial takeaways were. Suddenly, a line from the top of para. 3 jumped out at me, and that line was:

“Why is obeying connected with love? Because it reflects unity among believers – a oneness of spirit within our congregation and small groups that is foundational to kingdom work.”

My. Jaw. Dropped. It was literally a direct answer to what I’d been praying a minute ago!

Backtracking to see the context of this statement, in para. 2, it tells us that the Apostle John, on many occasions, describes love and obedience as synonymous, along with some scripture references. One that really ministered to me was from John 15:

¹² This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. ¹³ There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. ¹⁴ You are my friends if you do what I command. ¹⁵ I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. ¹⁶ You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. ¹⁷ This is my command: Love each other. (John 15-12-17 NLT)

A master does not confide in his slaves; however, God does not see us as slaves, but as friends, and He reveals Himself to us. Just as He has chosen us, He has commanded us to love each other, and I believe that He will do a work in us as we learn to love each other.

Love is foundational. It is the building block for kingdom work. We must love who we serve. If we don’t love our sheep, cell ministry becomes meaningless. If we don’t love the congregation, worship leading becomes meaningless. Love is the basis for all that we do in, and with, the body of Christ.

Love is unity. Choosing to love each other is proactively obeying His commands to do so, but more than that, this love we have for each other creates bonds of unity. When we are united, it is easy to minister to each other, it is easy to reach out together, it is easy to hunger together. Love brings about unity, and when we are united in vision and desire for God, then He will open up the floodgates.

Do we want it?

Hunger.

Over the past few days of QT and starting on the 40 DOC book, I’ve been getting a recurring word, and it’s something that I’ve shared with some of you.

Hunger.

It is my strong belief that through (but not limited to) these next 40 days, God really desires to do a work in our hearts as individuals, and also as one church. The real question that we need to ask ourselves is this: do we desire this working in our hearts?

Hunger is really about recognising dissatisfaction, and satisfying those needs. As humans, we all have needs. When we are physically hungry, we satisfy it with food. It’s all about cause and effect.

Can the same be said about our spiritual hunger? Do we desire God as much? Most of the time, I know that God wants to give more than I can ask, but really, how much do I desire of Him?

In this season, I want to challenge you to be more hungry. Desire more of God, because He really will give to the measure that we ask of Him. Choose not to be comfortable just where you are – choose to want more!

I was having a chat with WK and DC over dinner today, and I really feel very strongly in my spirit that this is a word in season – that we need to desire, and press in. Press in during our personal time with God, press in during our Bible study, press in during our corporate worship as a body of Christ.

This is what WK said – most of the time, the Spirit is ready to give and He is ready to pour forth. But more often than not, we stop short because we are satisfied with where we already are. The Holy Spirit isn’t disappointed when we don’t ask of more – God is truly a Gentleman; He will give to the measure that we ask, and so, if we ask little, He will give little, but when we do ask in abundance, I believe that He will rain it down on us.

Let’s step out of the boat, guys. It’s time to stop being comfortable where we are. Mediocrity needs to be thrown out, and dissatisfaction – divine dissatisfaction, needs to take its place. There is so much more in store for us, as individuals, as R-AGE. Will we step out, and will we step up?

What A Saturday.

What a Saturday it’s been. Interview in the morning, followed by soundcheck, playing for youth service, EPUSH, cell with Shift and dinner with excellent fellowship. It felt like madness, but by God’s grace, I am able to sit here and write this, instead of falling asleep and having a face-to-keyboard experience.

After all that, in retrospect, I think the highlight of today was really seeing almost half of R-AGE@GII flooding Char Grill, and after that, gathered together at the playground, after dinner, just really enjoying each others’ company. It’s good to see R-AGE united not just when we’re in a service or cell setting, but even bringing that togetherness out of the church wherever we go – that’s really bringing it to the next level.

I was really blessed by the group that I hung out with – Reuben, Bradley, Uncle Shavinn, Joseph, Derrick, Grace, SMT, Rhoda, Nick and Samuel. I just thought that it was good that our conversation gradually shifted from Bob to more of our own lives, and we were really taking the time to learn more about each others’ past, good and bad memories, and I urge all of you in R-AGE to do that!

Let’s really not only meet to do fun stuff, but let us be in the habit of sharing our lives with one another. We are, after all, better together (: